ZOMBIE SURVIVAL
by Howard Odentz
Bell Bridge Books is proud to present debut author Howard Odentz!
Zombies are a big part of my life. Who’s interested in the fact I raise little goats?
Sure, I live on a small farm in Massachusetts where I have a herd of Nigerian Dwarfs, a couple llamas, a flock of chickens, my attack cat, Severus, and my incredibly intelligent West Highland Terrier, Einstein, but honestly, everything about my life is all about the walking dead.
Seriously, what if the zombie apocalypse really does happen? Thanks to Tractor Supply, I’ve got a sturdy fence—good for keeping
Wickham, Howard's llama
animals in—awesome for keeping zombies out. I’ve got a steady supply of milk from the goats. Of course my hands will probably cramp up from squeezing those teeny-weenie udders, but if I can make cheese and yogurt, I’m willing to risk a few calloused palms.
The eggs? As long as my girls are happy, I’ll get a dozen a day.
Then there’re the llamas. All they really do is keep the lawn down and poop, but that’s premium poo we’re talking about. The garden grows really well here.
Oh yeah, after getting all gross and sweaty from working on the farm, I can even take a shower with my own well water and my home-made soap.
So, you see, with all the hobbies going on, I’ll be pretty safe when the zombies come knocking at my door up here in Western Mass. As a matter fact, I can probably make goat milk cheese and veggie quiche, sit on the deck and laugh.
Try and get me, you creepy dead things—just try.
Carnival, Howard's Goat
Did I forget to mention that if I’m bored while the zombies are storming my stronghold, I can keep myself entertained by singing songs from the few full-length musicals I’ve written and produced around the country?
Yeah, I know—I’ll l eventually get tired of belting out the same old tunes, but by then, I’ll have bigger fish to fry.
The UFOs will probably be buzzing the goat pens and that Bigfoot in the woods out behind the llama field will be eyeing my fattest buck, Rebuttal.
Paws off, fella—he’s mine.
(Howard Odentz is not crazy. Honest. All his doctors say so.)
To learn more about Howard’s survivors of necropoxy, visit his blog: http://howardodentz.com/index.html
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